..yea

I'm sad today. SOmetimes ppl need those days. So... y am i all pouty and negative, well.. because I'm beginning to feel like my thoughtfulness is a bad thing. I dunno, I guess I'm just really sensitive and expect ppl to care as much as I do about them, about me. Wow that sounded like and extra hearty dose of corny, but its true. Sometimes, I really wanna stop reaching out, being there, and breaking my back and doing crazy thoughtful things all the time but something inside me wont let me. It sux, and it makes me sad sometimes dagnabit.

The most amazing thing someone can do for me is something unexpected and thoughtful... like remember something small and act on it. ( 4 instance i f i say... iaww i had that same lanyard bracelet when i was 4 but it got burnt in a fire and someone sees it on the way home and picks it up just 4 me... thats better than a new car to me!.. dead serious, that feeling is better than a car.) I try to do things like that 4 ppl all the time, but I dunno, I feel like I dont get it? Great... now i feel selfish lol. Is that selfish? It might b...sorry...

Another reason why im wallowing is because I think my whole, I see the best in ppl rule is turning out to be a crock of shi*. In a matter of 48 hours I''ve lost so much trust in someone I cared about so much... Alone, crushed all that negative dramatic shit... thats how i feel.

Andddddddd lastly... i recently discovered how ashamed I am of crying. Yea... today is one of THOSE days.